Question 1: What comes to mind when you first think about money?
Question 2: How would you describe your relationship with money?
Over the last two years, I have asked these two questions to about 300 people – store cashiers, Uber drivers, fellow passengers on a local inter-city bus in Jamaica, hotel taxi drivers in Tanzania, my friends and their friends, two homeless men – in short, anyone who I trusted to give a spontaneous and honest answer. The responses were fascinating.
A successful venture capitalist in her 70s in La Jolla replied that she thinks of travel and gave me a faraway look in her eyes. “In control” was her description of the relationship. A homeless man begging for small change at the intersection of Torrey Pines and La Jolla Parkway said that his relationship was “not lucky.” Another homeless man, who stood in line at Goodwill, volunteered that he had been sober for 48 months and said that he thought of food when contemplating money. He described his relationship with money was “not meeting very often.” When he was denied a veteran’s discount for lack of identification, I gave my credit card a little extra exercise to cover his shirt and shorts.
Another three-times divorced but successful human relations executive said that money was “the only thing that I have been intimate with in my life.” A bartender in a small town on the Maryland Eastern Shore said that she was “suffering from CRS Syndrome — Can’t Remember Shit.” But a writer-artist of inspirational children’s books said that “I love money and it loves me.” This last response was my favorite – but it was shared by only a few of my 300 random interviewees.
Most of those in their 20s referred to debt and bills. Most in their 60s talked about security and many wondered aloud, “Will I have enough?” Surprisingly, even well-paid folks suggest troubled relationships with money are not based on the amount of money involved. “We don’t get along well,” said one well-compensated individual. You can find more of the responses at the end of this chapter.
My own response was quite different. When thinking about money, I think about the beach since I had always planned to spend my post-career years living at the beach (and playing tennis.) However, my relationship was different. I have always put money on auto-pilot. From my early 30s, I set my course by the north star, I figured how much of my income I could spend, had all bills paid automatically through a bill payment system and then checked on my savings from time to time.
Some people like to steer the wheel of their boats, trying to get the most out of the wind from whatever direction it blows. However, others (like me) are happy with auto-pilot. The key issue is to know how you like to sail your boat and then follow that approach.